Surreal New Year..

Wow.. A year. 2011 has been one of the most if not eventful, the most emotional one. This year I've discovered sides of me I never knew existed. That I made myself vulnerable, codependent, yet somehow mocked and isolated because of it. This year, I lost my way with words.. That ability to express myself through writing, even lost my journal. This year, I took advantage of (to my own surprise) my good looks and charm, so to speak.. to the point I cant even befriend a decent girl without the pretense that Im just a player, thanks to circulating rumors throughout campus. This year, I thought I had a bestfriend.. you know, that person Im open to and fully trusted. Only to realize it was just by some illusion from an awesome summer. I've been a martyr, a loner, suicidal, streetkid, joker, playboy, and what totals to a very long year of self discovery and immersion. I learned how to love and from a brief period, be loved.

This new year brings another chance to prove myself, be who I wanna be and make a change if not to my own but to another kid's life somehow. Lead by experience and no longer be a lost puppy that follows others around without cause. Continue to trust that pal I still value without losing myself. Oh and yeah, for the 2nd time.. I spent the newyear on our rooftop.. it was magical, surrounded by fireworks all over town. alone on that roof caring about nothing else and and feels like Im on the music vid of k.perry's firework.. yeah It sounds stupid, me singing out loud under fireworks but you gotta admit its kinda cool.